Wednesday, 11 March 2009

(belated) tuesday: i know this much is true


after we moved to australia, every week, my mum would get two aerogrammes in the post, one addressed in my nana's dense scrawl, and the other bearing my aunty peg's spidery handwriting (she was actually my great aunty peg, but woe betide anyone who called her that...). every week, without fail, they sat down to take stock of the days, think of my mum across the globe in this scorched new place, and fold up their observations and ideas and missingness.

i remember how my mum would sink into them, how she'd become far away, how she'd stop being mum for a few minutes and become someone's daughter.

Tuesday, 24 February 2009

tuesday: i know this much is true



i don't know much, but i know i love you. plus one or two other things besides.

Thursday, 12 February 2009

love the winter.


"There's a point where you can give up on winter--when temptation can enter your soul, prying its way in like cold air through the cracks in your cabin--around January sixteenth or so, and this can make you realize that February's coming, and beyond February, March.

See, I don't yet realize that March will be the hardest month. Early February's the coldest, and often the snowiest, but March, strange, silent March, will be the hardest.

The danger in yielding to thoughts of spring--green grass, hikes, bare feet, lakes, fly-fishing, rivers, and sun, hot sun--is that once these thoughts enter your mind, you cant get them out.

Love the winter. Don't betray it. Be loyal.

When the spring gets here, love it too--and then the summer.

But be loyal to the winter, all the way through--all the way, and with sincerity--or you'll find yourself high and dry, longing for a spring that's a long way off, and winter will have abandoned you, and in her place you'll have cabin fever, the worst.

The colder it gets, the more you've got to love it."


~Rick Bass, from 'Winter - Notes from Montana'

Curtsies in the direction of the marvellous Keri Smith

Wednesday, 11 February 2009


It’s nice to be back in the world. After two days of trembling fever and lurching nausea, shutting the door behind me to go to work on the bluest morning I know had that caterpillar chrysalis feeling, the colours ratcheted up a notch, the sound balance altered. The air was so fresh and clear it could have been the alps instead of (when I grow rich, said the bells of) Shoreditch.

Today I would like to sit with my eyes closed and feel the shapes the wind draws as it streams past my face.

But I’m at work (bah), so instead I made a trip to an art supplies place at lunch time to buy fat felt tips and glue sticks, and now I’m fossicking through TV on the Radio’s back catalogue courtesy of the marvellous Spotify.

It’s grey now, and there’s not much to see, maybe it’s a day for listening…

Beach House:



J Tillman:



…or just daydreaming.

I like you a lot; you have a talent for always knowing the right thing to say.

Tuesday, 20 January 2009

on good things (where good is both worth having, and worth doing.)


Vintage Polaroid film boxes
Originally uploaded by missha

(1.) work, and how it gets that way*
Each day, a new tiny tragedy occurs at work to remind us of the presence of the wolves at the door. When I returned to work from holidays, five desks were suddenly empty. This, of course, was not one of the smaller losses: all good, likeable people, working neither harder nor any less hard than any of the rest of us; people with new mortgages to pay or elderly parents or a broken shower or a dyslexic’s panic about having to rework a CV. This was their loss, and our loss, and each of us shed a skin of confidence. This is real. Oh.

The smaller disappointments creep in quietly, like a new season: a constant shortage of coffee, cheap biscuits, the omission of any talk of the new year bonuses it was posited we’d receive just a couple of months ago, a tension in peoples’ faces when you arrive late or leave on time.

I don’t know when the look began. The look on a project manager or account director’s face when you question the brief, ask a question that’s likely to make the client uncomfortable, wonder aloud whether that’s the best way to do something, or if it’s worth doing at all. It’s the look that says, ‘Please. Just do this. And then we can all get paid.’

But the client isn’t always right, and sometimes we do them a disservice by creating something useless or clunky or half-arsed or ill thought-out. Not asking questions or rocking the boat oftentimes means creating something that’s just not very good. Which means it won’t achieve its aims. Which means it’s a waste of money, a waste of time – and it lays waste to everyone’s enthusiasm for actually making something worth having. In short: wasteful.

People aren’t buying; maybe it makes sense to stop selling them things, for a bit, at least. Maybe this is evolution at work: a chance to strip out all the stuff that isn’t working and change tack – create things that have inherent value, actually add value to peoples’ lives. Things that are simply nice to have, to play with, to cherish.

Maybe that’s the worst of these mundane tragedies: watching that small death each morning as a person switches on their machine and that tiny light turns on, while their own tiny light flicks off.

(2.) computer love
Rach was happy this morning; chirruping about how she’d enjoyed a moment of perfect clarity where she realised that she loved her job. And then immediately began worrying whether that meant anything; whether it mattered when the beautiful things she makes online can’t be touched or held or hung on a wall or folded up and tucked into a wallet.

Which made me wonder: why is it hard to love anything made of pixels and blips with the same force of passion we save for lovely new books or a snuggly scarf or a piece of art? Is it because an essential part of loving something is the potential to own it or have it for ourselves, or the exquisite knowledge that someone could (even though it won't be you)?

(3.) an impossible rescue mission
One of the marvellous things about creating something people really love is that they will help it to survive without you, if need be. Kind of like godchildren – their built-in lovability gives them an insurance policy if some awful fate befalls their parents.

Which seems to be the case with Polaroid. It’s just so damn lovable and weird and idiosyncratic that people refuse to let it die what looked like an inevitable death. But in swoop IMPOSSIBLE, plucking it from the rusty jaws of obsolescence. (Fingers firmly crossed, yes indeed.)

(4.) *henry miller has the last word
“Develop an interest in life as you see it; the people, things, literature, music - the world is so rich, simply throbbing with rich treasures, beautiful souls and interesting people. Forget yourself.”

Thursday, 8 January 2009

lovings and thankings


for paul elliman's sweet alphabet.

for sheer playfulness, jamie johnson's short film, 'holiday around my bedroom'.

for david foster wallace, again. and for this precise and generous assessment of his unique gifts.

for striped bendy straws, miso soup in mugs, andrew bird, pavements crispy with frozen muddy footprints.

for being happy. for being home in my bed. for being home in my skin. for feeling the perfectly curved lightness of hope in my cupped palms.

now: to dunk chocolate biscuits in tea and watch the streetlights come on.

Friday, 5 December 2008

bowie + mercury

every friday me and danceface rach take it in turns to choose a song, email it to the other, and then we listen at the same time in our offices across london, as loud as our ears can take it.

i can't believe how incredible this week's edition was. i'd forgotten how much this song can stop me in my tracks when i really, really listen. but now i remember.



Can't we give ourselves one more chance?
Why can't we give love that one more chance?
Why can't we give love, give love, give love, give love, give love, give love, give love, give love?
'Cos love's such an old fashioned word
And love dares you to care for the people on the edge of the night
And love dares you to change our way of caring about ourselves
This is our last dance...


wow.